The Decisions I Make

Approximately eighty percent of the decisions I make are poor ones, half of which are based purely on selfish intentions. I’d say this is slightly below average, though without further data I cannot confirm this statement. Point being, I am not always the best person, neither to myself nor to those around me. If you are one of the poor individuals caught in the web of my mistakes, I am truly sorry, but I am right there with you brushing the sticky stringy substance from my face fervently, hoping no spider is holding onto dear life with the intention of injecting it’s venom into my tender eyeball.

I’ve spent a lot of time with myself over the years and though I do not swim in a pool of self-hatred, I do splash in the puddle a bit. It’s nearly impossible not to. I can only hope that even the stoutest of hero’s – of which I am not – doubts his intentions in all the goodness he attempts. I am really good at doubting my thoughts in an act of kindness but slow to brush aside the most obvious of awful feelings. Probably the opposite for said hero.

The only good thing in all this is that my acute self-observation is integral to writing flawed characters. In all honesty, flawed characters are generally the most interesting ones. Even the wisest, such as Gandalf the Grey, are not as interesting without their imperfections – quick to anger – or their weaknesses – his love for hobbits.

At this point you must be wondering, “What is your point?”

To which I would quickly respond, “I don’t know. What did I say again?” Then after reading what I had written I would come up with something like, “Make your flaws your characters, or don’t, you have no reason to believe anything I say.”

Then you would walk out of the Internet shaking your head, muttering something about “a waste of time” or “why do I keep coming here?”

To which I have no good response but still I’d cry out, “please come back.”

Keep Reading

Well I think we all can agree this is the best possible blog post I can make. With that sad truth, here’s some other stuff to dilute it:

I Can Tell You About Pain by Converge – It’s been five years since they made any new music and the second track “Eve” may just be one of my favorites ever. Already love this little EP and joyous about the prospect of a new album. If you like fast and or heavy music just go ahead.

The Forest for the Trees by Betsey Lerner – After about 50 pages I can say this is turning out to be one of those essential writing books. Writing from the perspective of an editor, Lerner sets out what it takes to be a writer and who a writer is right off that bat. Nailing many feelings and dilemmas you may encounter, drawing you towards her insight.  Looking forward to diving more into this one.

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